I didn’t have what you would call the ideal Saint Patrick’s Day. Not at all. I spent the day working in an organic Manhattan restaurant and trying not to look our the window at the lucky, green-wearing drunks walking by. It was painful. Still, when I finally got out I hustled over to Desmond’s Tavern on 30th and Park. While it wasn’t the bar I would pick to celebrate Saint P’s, it did the job. By 10:30 pm the crowd was indeed, drunk, tired, and mostly not Irish. They had the sufficient quota of annoyingly loud girls, absurdly cocky dudes, and, most of all, people who stopped trying to look good long, long ago.
After being handed a very warm, non-Irish beer (gross Coors Light) my friend Katie turned the tables on me, grabbed my notebook and gave me a taste of my own medicine.
Katie: What is your favorite drink.
Bar Fly: Now? Tullamore Dew. Whiskey. I made you drink it once.
Katie: Ideal pickup line?
Bar Fly: As long as he doesn’t mention that I’m tall, it’s fine. In the clear.
Katie: 3 adjectives you look for in a bar?
Bar Fly: Specials. Dudes. Toilet Paper. (Those are nouns, silly me.)
Katie: How much would someone have to pay you for butt sex?
Bar Fly: I don’t think it would be a monetary amount.
*Katie’s friend Matt: How long would his beard have to be?
Bar Fly: I don’t think facial hair would be a factor either. I like unstable men thought (I was pointing to a guy who was literally unstable, holding onto the door frame to stand.)
Katie: If you had to sext someone what would you say?
Bar Fly: Wanna cyber in non-virtual reality?
Katie: If you had to do a body shot off the owner what kind would it be?
Bar Fly: Well, it’s Saint Patrick’s Day, so Jameson.
Katie: If you couldn’t walk what would you do?
Bar Fly: Run?
Katie: No, like swim or fly…
Bar Fly: OK, fly?
Katie: If you had to be another nationality what would you be?
Bar Fly: Am I just considered caucasian or Irish now?
Katie: Irish. (Hell yeah I am).
Bar Fly: Well, then I’d be French, so I could smoke cigarettes and eat baguettes and french fries but still be skinny,
Katie: Favorite holiday?
Bar Fly: Other than Saint Patrick’s…. Halloween! Because I like dressing up! (scandal with and excuse.)
Hope you enjoyed that! Thanks to Katie! Pics to come soon (new camera, not sure how to work it).
Love you silly kids, Bar Fly
